At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
