Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
