Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
