Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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