I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
