so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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