sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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