oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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