My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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