why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
