I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
