Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
