I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He did a backflip because drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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