Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
