the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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