I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
