they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
