I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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