I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
