No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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