I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
