Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
