I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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