It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
