I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
