update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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