dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
