do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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