Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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