my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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