Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
