This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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