i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
