I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
