So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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