So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
