I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
