you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My feet surprised me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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