I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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