She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
