I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
