well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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