I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
