just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
