Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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