o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
