just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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