Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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