You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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