Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
