i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
