i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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