You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
