You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
