Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just pynch a tree in the face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
