I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
