I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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