I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
