Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
