Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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