you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
