She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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