before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
