Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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