it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
