I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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