can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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