i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
