The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
