Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
