I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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