Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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