The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
