Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
